If, just if...

Past, if anyone could understand.
If anyone could understand how I feel,
They either would run away or stay for good,
Like friends I have to be grateful as some understand a little,
Others perhaps the best don't understand a word,
But at least they stay around.

Damn my actions who regretted those who accepted me,
Damn my actions who kept me going in the wrong direction,
Damn my thoughts who rather flew away from the past,
Rather than accepting it and working on it, fulfilling the present,
With better actions, better decisions, at least truthful to myself.

Even now 30 years later I want to scream. Damn you!
I will do as I please even if that means to leave in poverty,
I will take a risk and make my own way,
But not even today I can say I find the courage nor the way.

I travel around to the past, to the future and in my present,
I still don't find the answer.
Although closer than ever
I just feel it.
However the closest I feel I am.
The scariest I feel.
If only I could,
Just if.

Sedona
By Miss Butterfly Slim