What am I looking for?

This night I come humbly asking a simple yet hard question for me to answer.

What am I looking for?
Could it be love?
Could it be knowledge?
Could it be money?
Could it be all of them?

Meaning...

I 've been loved yet I have dumped those who I've loved more than myself.
I hadn't appreciated them that much. I didn't care for them the way I should have had.
Yet, today I am here dying to feel that again. Willingly I come to tell you I might change my feelings or I could have stronger feelings now that I have already let go.

Could it be knowledge?
But even thinking about knowledge. What kind? Certainly history is not my field. Yet I can't stop thinking about my own history. My own past.
However the thoughts about how people can developed towards any kind of creations. That really makes me thirsty for more.

Could it be money?
I think money could make your life easier yet when you have it all? What would keep you alive?

Help other and perhaps you'll find your own path in life. Make yourself useful. As my cousin might say.

Phoenix

If, just if...

Past, if anyone could understand.
If anyone could understand how I feel,
They either would run away or stay for good,
Like friends I have to be grateful as some understand a little,
Others perhaps the best don't understand a word,
But at least they stay around.

Damn my actions who regretted those who accepted me,
Damn my actions who kept me going in the wrong direction,
Damn my thoughts who rather flew away from the past,
Rather than accepting it and working on it, fulfilling the present,
With better actions, better decisions, at least truthful to myself.

Even now 30 years later I want to scream. Damn you!
I will do as I please even if that means to leave in poverty,
I will take a risk and make my own way,
But not even today I can say I find the courage nor the way.

I travel around to the past, to the future and in my present,
I still don't find the answer.
Although closer than ever
I just feel it.
However the closest I feel I am.
The scariest I feel.
If only I could,
Just if.

Sedona
By Miss Butterfly Slim